EARLY SIGNS AND STAGES OF AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP
The problem with an abusive relationship is that it usually doesn't start out that way. Most relationships that end up abusive start off as any non-violent relationship does, with kind words and passion, togetherness and devotion. The violence may begin only after many other abusive behaviors occur, such as indifference to your needs, blaming you for everything that goes wrong, and being extremely possesive. These behaviors can be early signs of future violence.
Another difficulty with abuse is that it is rarely constant. It occurs in cycles. Experts have identified three stages in the cycle of violence:
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Tension-Building Phase - Tension increases and controlling behaviors are used such as: monitoring where you go, who you talk to, how you dress, being verbally abusive, jealous, etc. These behaviors are present in the beginning of the relationship, but are mild and often go unrecognized. Sometimes victims blame themselves for "causing: the abuser's behavior during this phase.
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Explosion Phase - The explosion phase often involves an acute battering incident. This phase involves the uncontrolled discharge of the tensions built up in phase one. The abuser's rage is so great that it results in uncontrollable behavior. For example, a husband may start out wanting to teach his wife a lesson, not even intending to inflict any injury on her, and stops on only when he feels she has learned her lesson. By this time, however, the wife has been severely beaten.
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"Honeymoon" Phase - During this phase, the abuser can be loving and charming, usually how he or she was when you first met. The abuser will be genuinely sorry about the violence and may beg for forgiveness, make promises that it will never happen again, or promise to get help. Unless the cycle is broken, the third phase will end and there will be a return to the tension-building phase. The cycle repeats itself over and over again.
